it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
