Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
