It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
