my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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