Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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