Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
