ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
