She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
