she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
