Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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