I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
