scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
