I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
