There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
