Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
