I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They have beer where we have blood.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
