I want to make a zoo with you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
