a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
