Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you will always have a special place in my vag
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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