never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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