Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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