If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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