You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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