I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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