I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize