I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize