32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
