It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
