I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What drink are we having for lunch?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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