exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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