suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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