You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
