Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
