I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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