ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

  Fav 10 2822 1267

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.

  Fav 65 6731 833

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

  Fav 29 1645 5530

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated

  Fav 17 5603 1925

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?

  Fav 17 4821 1127

  share tweet
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...

  Fav 2 759 1131

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED

  Fav 10 844 1622

  share tweet
  

• (765): View more from Indiana

  Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.

  Fav 6 964 1153

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"

  Fav 1 942 411

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.

  Fav 0 415 626

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box

  Fav 0 142 234

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.

  Fav 0 311 188

  share tweet
  

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that

  Fav 9 239 102

  share tweet
  

• (312): View more from Illinois

  You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me.

  Fav 0 51 4

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.

  Fav 0 25 29

  share tweet
  

Randomize