I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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