im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
