went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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