paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
