I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
