I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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