Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
