you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
