I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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