I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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