Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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