Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
