so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize