OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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