Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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