Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
