the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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