If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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