you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
