What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she looked like the before picture.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
