At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and you fell through a lawn chair
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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