forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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