I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize