You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
