the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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