someone threw a dead crab at me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
