Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
