Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im holly from the hills drunk
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
