Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize