Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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