OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
