there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
