He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
