I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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