We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
