Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is my gift to your gina
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
