I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
