i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize