I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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