Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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