ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
