i can't believe i had my finger in that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I yelled at your uterus for you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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