I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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