If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
