Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
