i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
