i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
