party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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