I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
