soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
try to milk me bitch
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