The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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