dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
