porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
