I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
