the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The air taste purple.
Randomize
