Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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