this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
