i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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