I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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